5 reviews by Lance..
Vigilante
2011-08-21
From:
Lance
Comments:
Okay, true story: I ordered a Russian mail-order bride but they sent me a Ukrainian one instead. Needless to say, I beat that bitch unmercifully almost everyday in between her five o'clock cock-gaggings. Also needless to say, I am in prison for a long time and I deserve it.
Rating:
n/a
Woody Pop
2011-08-21
From:
Lance
Comments:
Whenever I was, you know, "pitching a tent" growing up, my mom would refer to it as "popping a woody" thus reminding me of this unreleased, probably terrible game. I used to beg her to let me have sex with her but she always refused. That is abnormal, I know, the asking part, but I was so damn horny it actually kinda made sense at the time. She had a hairy one, too. Her hairs would always be peeking out of her bikini bottoms or panties.
Rating:
n/a
Hook
2011-08-21
From:
Lance
Comments:
You're my kind of guy, Scott. Not in a homo way, though, just so you know. I used to go over to my friend's house and we'd rub our dongs all over his sister's Barbies. We'd stick her little arms out and make it look like she was hugging and holding on to our boners for all she was worth. I'd cum in Barbie's hair. Man, his sister would get so mad at us!
Rating:
n/a
Heroes of the Lance
2011-08-21
From:
Lance
Comments:
I used to throw some of my hard-earned money the way of this cute little titless Puerto Rican whore named Rosa. I don't know what she did, but she kept it tight. Busy as she was, she kept it tight. Kegels, maybe? Anyway, she always liked how my name was Lance as it seemed more than a little appropriate with regard to our relationship, consisting as it did of her being impaled on my turgid member. Think I'll go see her when I get out.
Rating:
n/a
Psycho Fox
2011-08-21
From:
Lance
Comments:
Right on both counts, Brad. It's amazing to me how something as simple as fucking a prostitute is made so damn complicated by freaky weirdos out there. Fuck 'em and pay 'em. Pay 'em a little more: fuck 'em in the ass. A little less: fuck 'em in their throat. They're not there to be surrogate mommies or cheap, emotionally damaged therapists, they're there to lay down and take it wherever you want to put it.
Rating:
n/a